Another reminder...

I woke up this morning and with the realization that I had just had my first full night's sleep in over 2 months. Another reminder that I am officially, absolutely no longer pregnant. I slept uninterrupted for 9 1/2 hours ... I didn't get up even once to go to the bathroom.

I know this should probably be on the plus side of the T-chart I have been keeping in my mind, silently cataloging the pros and cons of this experience and what it means for my family ... but, for some reason this morning, this new fact just makes my heart hurt. Another sad reminder of my new reality.

Mercifully, Jared came in a few minutes later with a smile, his beloved blue teddy, and pillow. He informed me that he had an "owie" and asked if I wanted to see it. I love three year olds.

As we discussed his owie in earnest detail, I was still sad and crying silently ... he asked why I was sad ...

I told him that "I still miss the new baby."

He looks at my cell phone beside me, "Hey! We could call the new baby!"

I told him, "We can't call the new baby. I don't have his phone number in Heaven."

Jared: "Well, we could pretend to call the new baby," as he picks up my phone ...

... talking into the phone he says, "Hello new baby ..."

pause

"We miss you that you are not in Mommy's tummy anymore."

pause

"Ok."

pause

"Goodbye, I love you."

... he "hangs" up the phone and hands it back to me.

Me: tears ...

...

While doing our devotions this morning, I read a scripture that Tim and I have been discussing a lot lately ...

And he is who is the Glory of Israel will not lie, nor will he change his mind, for he is not human that he should change his mind.
1 Samuel 15:29

I am coming to terms with this ... I know God didn't change his mind about giving us this baby. What has happened over the past 12 weeks is His doing ... from beginning to end ... and new beginning where we find ourselves today ...