We appreciate your prayers ...

Thanks so much for all of you who have been praying and thinking about us this past week. I was definitely hoping for a different outcome and a creative miracle to keep this baby alive in my womb, but it is not a part of the Plan.

We just returned from the Doctor's office and have confirmation that the pregnancy is over. My uterus is empty.

The baby must have died a few weeks ago according to the ER's ultrasound on Friday ... mercifully, no surgery will be required as it looks like my body took care of everything over the weekend on its own.

This all started when I had some minor spotting on Thursday evening. I waited until Friday morning to go to my doctor's office when they opened as I didn't want to go to the hospital. I really didn't think it would be anything, the thought of losing a baby during pregnancy never even really seemed like it would be a possibility. Turns out my timing was bad ... Friday was my doctor's 21st wedding anniversary and Mother's Day weekend, so he was out ... his office sent me to the Emergency Room after all.

At the ER I was examined, moved from room to room, and finally had the ultrasound we'd been waiting all morning for. It was pretty awful, the tech could not tell us anything ... I started to panic when I knew I should be seeing a heartbeat and didn't see one. I asked her, "Shouldn't I be able to see a heartbeat?" She only said, "Yes," and handed me some tissue. She ran several "ekg's" to look for the heartbeat ... totally flat. She took several measurements ... then wheeled us back to wait ... and wait ... for results...

I've been home since Friday afternoon, waiting, praying, bleeding, resting. So many dear friends and family have helped with the boys, given us space, brought us meals. I am so grateful.

We are sad ... trying to process.

This baby was already a very real part of our family, a topic of daily conversation and eager anticipation. It is so hard to comprehend that this baby has died and has already gone to heaven.

Please forgive me if I don't answer the phone or return texts and if I don't want to see people. Your calls do mean a lot. Truth is - it is taking everything I have to try to keep it together and I really can't rehash everything over and over again on the phone or in person. I'm doing my best not to fall apart in front of my boys and have been only marginally successful in that endeavor.

Jared has been bringing me trucks and Legos and everything else he can think of to help me feel better. Both boys have been especially liberal in dispensing much needed hugs.

Tim has been amazing ... cleaning, taking the boys ... doing everything to let me heal.

Precious Jeanne met us and held our hands at the ER, cried with us when we received the news, then took the boys for two days to let things happen as they would. My Uncle Pat and Aunt Kelly brought enough gatorade and apple juice to last me all summer so I could keep my fluids up, Christy came and checked my blood pressure ... I did NOT want to go back to the hospital. Melinda has been amazing, as always, and taken care of everything. So many sweet friends have brought us food...

The rest of you have prayed and truly believed with me for a miracle that didn't come as I'd hoped, I thank-you for that.

I am doing my best to live in the prayer Alishia sent me. I have read it over and over, it is so beautiful ... I'm not there yet, hopefully someday soon ...

Prayer of St. Teresa of Avila

Let nothing disturb you,
Nothing frighten you.
All things are passing.
God never changes.
Patient endurance
attains all things.
Whoever possesses God
lacks nothing--
God alone is sufficient.